i’m really frustrated with myself, i’ve gradually let my self-esteem lower to the point where i can take an insult better than a compliment.

and i’ve become ashamed of my emotions i remember when someone said to me last year “you always crying you cry over anything” and so i stopped crying for about 8 months and now i’m broken, and i can’t control my emotions anymore.

i just want to have a normal flow of emotions and to be able to take a compliment gracefully.

i want to be approachable and nice, but i don’t know if i can.

i want to make a difference not a big one, just maybe in my school or in my family among my friends. i want to matter, i don’t know why but i feel as if i’m invisible and as i constantly say to my friends “no one knows me.”

and today when we were farewelling the year 12’s i stood to the side as all my friends said goodbye to people and figured that no one knew who i was so no one would want to say goodbye to me, but a few people did and just that small fact gave me a tiny ego-boost.

and then the afternoon came and i was so excited i would be able to see the girl who has been keeping me sane, but i got a text saying she was grounded and i was so frustrated not at her but just at everything in general so i let it out on the keyboard and on tumblr and deviantart, but i let it out on someone else.

like i said in my previous post i though i hated indirect messages but now i’m finding that that’s the way i express myself.